This Hadeeth does not mean obeying one’s parent in divorcing one’s wife

4-12-2011 | IslamWeb

Question:

Abu Darda t narrated that when a man came to him and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce." He replied to him that he had heard Allah’s Messenger say, "A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it." (Tirmidhi 4928 and Ibn Majah) what does this hadith means? Does a man should divorce his wife if his mother orders him to do so

Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.


The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: ''The parent is the middle door (leading) to Paradise. Lose that door if you wish or preserve it." [At-Tirmithi] The meaning of this Hadeeth as Al-Mubaarak Poori said (quoting from Al-Qaadi ‘Iyaadh) is that the best thing by which one seeks to enter Paradise and get to its highest levels is the obedience of the parents and taking care of them.

However, if the parents – or one of them – do not have a correct purpose in ordering the son to divorce his wife, then the son is not obliged to obey them in this regard as we clarified in Fatwa 84056.

The statement of Abu Ad-Dardaa may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him in the Hadeeth (mentioned in the question) is not evidence that this is an obligation or not, as another narration of this Hadeeth is reported in Musnad Ahmad in which Abu Ad-Dardaa’  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him said: “It is not me who orders you to divorce (your wife) and it is not me who orders you to keep (her).” At-Tahaawi  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him said commenting on this narration: “This means that Abu Ad-Dardaa’  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him found it difficult to answer the question, so his answer was not definite about keeping (the wife) or separating (from her).”

Some scholars  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  them concluded that Abu Ad-Dardaa’  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him told that man of that Hadeeth as an indication that it is better for him to divorce her as a way of obeying the parent; which means that this is not an obligation on him to do so: Al-Qaraafi  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him said: “Abu Ad-Dardaa’  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him alluded that it is better to divorce her as a way of obeying the order of the parent.”

Allaah Knows best.

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