Offended by Her Friend Who Refused to Seek Her Pardon
Fatwa No: 382171


AsSalaamu alaykum wa ragmatullaahi wa barakaatuh Please let me know how to respond to a muslim who, when one tells them about something that they have done to offend or hurt me, whether it be today or years ago, their response is 'get over it' or ' stop living in the past' or ' its 2018 not 1998 grow up'. If they had just sincerely said how truly sorry they were for hurting me and they maybe didnt realise it but now that it was brought to their attention they are sorry, it would have made all the difference and not caused more anger.Please include any verses from Quran and quotes from Hadith that will help me convey the response to them.Jazakallahu khayr Shukran


All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

If she said that in response to you remembering the past and reminding her with it, then there is nothing in her saying that necessitates your anger or provoke you. There is no benefit in reviving what has happened in the past. It should be ignored and forgotten and not remembered or remind others with it.

However, if she had actually done something that harmed you or humiliated you, and you were reminding her so that she would seek your forgiveness, then her response is a kind of stubbornness and indifference to the feelings of her fellow Muslim. She should have asked you to forgive her when you reminded her of that, and not to respond with words that do not suggest that she felt remorse for what she had done.

In any case, it is better to forgive her for what she had done to you, as there is a great reward for forgiving others, and it is one of the greatest acts of worship. Abu Hurayrah  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him narrated that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: Allah increases the honor of one who forgives." [Muslim]

You should endeavor to forget what had happened especially if it was a long time ago, and that person improved her conduct and stopped harming you.

Allah knows best.

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